Is The Idea Of Self Love A Delusional Concept?

how to practice self love
How To Practice Self Love

The internet is agog with the need for self-care, self-love, and the likes for some time now and it has become something that I give a lot of thought to these days and I have decided that a blog post on how to practice self love is in order.

For the month of August, I’ve decided to run a series I have termed “Yourself“. Check out the first series on how to build self-esteem. It has gotten a lot of love from readers and I hope you relate to a  thing or two when you do read it!

So, is the idea of loving yourself first before being able to love someone else,  ludicrous? I mean what is the whole idea about?

Well, self-love is self-love. Learning to love you for you. Giving yourself love before projecting that love unto someone else.

The whole idea sounded a bit crazy to me I must say (because I don’t have a selfish bone in me) but the more I thought about it, the more I understand what it truly means to love oneself and the more it makes sense to me.

Self-love is the foundation for great self-esteem, self-confidence, good health, success, and total well being. It is the appreciation and compassion you have for yourself.

Is The Idea Of Self Love A Delusional Concept? 7 Simple Self Love Habits You Can Start Right Away Share on X
how to practice self love
How To Practice Self Love

About Losing Yourself, Losing Self Love

There have been times I lost myself loving other people ranging from friends, family, and a partner or two. I am the sort of person that will go all out to help out, at work, and my family and even my past relationships. Talk about women who love too much!

A friend is getting married? I am at the forefront. Organizing (chief event planner lol), a do at home? I am always fully involved, financially, mentally, and physically. A project at work? I will do all I can to ensure everything goes well and project goals achieved.

Then with time, I discovered that a lot of people even my own family takes my “being caring” and “can do” nature for granted.

Everyone believes you have everything and that is why you always help out. They begin to act ‘entitled” so expect you to ”show up” when they snap their fingers or come calling. I mean!

THEN, when I have my own thing to do, birthday, a departmental project, etc, everyone forms busy lol. Oh, Jennifer is self-sufficient, she is capable, she can do it herself, she will be fine. Those are the usual responses I get. Eye openers for sure.

Well, it took me time to discover and I decided very “selfishly” that I was going to be doing ME, MYSELF, and I from henceforth. That is where self-love comes from.

The Whole Idea Of Self Love

Self-love is the love of self or regards for one’s own happiness or advantage.

I know you are beginning to think the whole idea of loving yourself is being selfish. Well, it is. To an extent. I am not saying, loving other people, helping them, and all that is bad. You all know I am an advocate for the underdog anytime, any day but doing all that to the detriment of your own well being is absolutely a No-No.

Your wellbeing: physical, emotional, mental, and all that depends on you. You alone. I got myself in a “bind” last year in something that was so devastating, I wanted to blame the other party but the truth is I let myself be in that position. So I cannot not afford to blame anyone. The experience was so ‘impactful”, I wrote a blog about ten life lessons you need to learn now. You can check it out HERE.

At one point or the other, you will realize that you need to do more for yourself, take care of yourself, pamper yourself, and love yourself more!

Self-love must come first. Should come first before every other thing. When you don’t love yourself or take care of yourself, you won’t be able to achieve those things that you have set out to do, you will never be healthy or strong (think about it, how can you be healthy and strong if you don’t practice self-love and care?) to do the things you want to do, to have a meaningful life.

Self Love Practices

There are a number of self-love practices out there and I have decided to do these ones (some I am already practicing and others I can do well to start ASAP).

How To Practice Self Love. Share on X
how to practice self love
How To Practice Self Love

Choose Yourself

Anytime, any day. Choose yourself over anything and everyone else. This year has been fraught with financial “obligations” that have set me back miles financially. The I “should care and contribute” mindset that I have been “plagued” which has often been to my detriment. Only do what you can if you must! Do not give to the point of putting yourself in peril. Start your self-love journey by choosing yourself. Every. Single. Time.

How To Love Yourself More

Develop Positive Habits

 Most of our ability to realize and achieve our dreams depends on the kind of habits that we keep/have. Daily habits, small habits all contribute to our achievements. I started eating healthy earnestly this year (I’ve fallen off the wagon a couple of times but get back on because I know being healthy is important), I formed the habit of reading something positive and also doing something towards achieving my career goals. Even sleeping early instead of binging on your favorite show on Netflix (“wink”). Eat healthy, exercise as much as you can. Positive habits that you can develop are numerous, Explore. Then Do.

Here are 10 Good Habits That Will Completely Transform Your Life

Pamper Yourself

Darling, if there is one thing you shouldn’t slack at, it is pampering yourself! I was so caught up with work last year, trying to climb one more step on the corporate ladder (oh, the way the corporate world sucks you in!), I didn’t do any fun thing till the end of the year when I went on holiday. I have resolved to do more by way of pampering myself and that is why I have booked some me spa time next week. Yeah! We all need to pamper ourselves.

Take yourself out to that fancy new restaurant you keep looking at on your way back from work, let the heat from a sauna take away those kinks from your shoulder, and let a masseuse work their magic on you, have a Moroccan bath and scrub. Indulge. Love yourself!

Here are is a guide on how to destress and relax at the end of a busy day.


Why Self Care Is Important For Your Personal Development

26 Self Care Ideas To Love And Pamper Yourself

50 Self Care Ideas For When You Are Having A Bad Day

4 Easy Self Care Habits For A Healthy Mind, Body and Soul

Avoid Negative Vibes 

Someone trolled me on the internet a while back, on Instagram to be precise after I put up a popular post on Body Shaming.

I was upset. Deeply so because the comments were bordering on racism and of course you all know cyberbullying. It was not until one of my followers called out the guy and others joined in, that I was able to regain some of my usual upbeat self.

That’s what negative vibes can do. Kill your shine and dull your edges.

Put away negative vibes, people who tend to put you down because they feel they know all, friends who never have anything good to say or invariably do all they can to bring you down by their actions and inactions.


11 Types Of Toxic People You Should Completely Avoid

How To Know If You Are Being Manipulated

How To Stand Up For Yourself When You Need To

How To Be More Assertive: Complete Guide To Assertive Communication

Avoid Negative Self Talk 

We all do this to ourselves when we are faced with negative situations or when things don’t go as planned.

God knows I am number one when it comes to this. We beret ourselves to the point of self-pity we become “nuisance” to ourselves and those around us. So things didn’t go as planned? Big deal!

We all need to stop talking ourselves “down” just because of one or two isolated issues happened that will not have any bearing on our goals at the end of the day.


6 Practical Steps To Improving Your Life With Positive Self Talk

Accept Yourself

The way you are. I have this big scar on my left heel that I talked about on Day 9 Of My 30 Day Blog Challenge and I have always had this love/hate relationship with my ears (the petty things we do to ourselves SMH).

It took me a long time to accept them as unique parts of me. Accept yourself. Flaws and all.

I believe It is only when you have been able to accept yourself as you are, you will begin to build on your strengths and work on your weaknesses.

Adopt A Healthy Lifestyle

Like I mentioned above, I decided to mind what I feed my body and what better time to start, than right NOW? After all, if you are not healthy, you cannot pursue those life goals you set out and want to achieve. “Baby steps” is the best way to start.

At work, I try to use the Samsung Health app on my phone to track my steps on a daily basis. I do this by going to the conference room, walk around while the App tracks, and records my steps.

Well, I must confess I don’t always do this (at times work gets in the way or sheer laziness knocks on the door and I succumb) but the most important thing is I know I need to adopt a healthy lifestyle and I am making the efforts to do so.

You should too because that’s one of the ways you definitely know you love yourself.

Conclusion On How To Practice Self Love

Self-love is not narcissism.

Self-love is not being selfish.

Self-love is not a destination, it is an everyday practice.

Like Oscar Wilde said, “To Love, Oneself Is A Lifelong Romance”. So go on, begin that lifelong romance with yourself by loving YOURSELF, and thank me later!

So is the idea of Self Love delusional? Well, I leave you to answer that. For Yourself!

I have great ideas on self-love and self-care on Pinterest that you can follow and learn to love yourself better. You follow the Pinterest Board and you will have access to all the resources you will ever want on self-love.

What are some of the self-love practices you do for yourself? Let us know in the comments section. You know I love to hear from you all!

Help the women around you practice self-love by sharing this on your social media. Remember, sharing is caring!

7 Great Ways Women Can Practice Self Love Share on X
how to practice self love
How To Practice Self Love

Kinging Queen

Jennifer Pompaski
Jennifer Pompaski

Hi, my name is Jennifer. I am an Engineer by day and a blogger 24/7. I am passionate about Self Improvement & Productivity and this blog is dedicated to that passion! I hope you find it worthwhile each time you visit! If you do find anything helpful on here, kindly share because sharing is caring!

Find me on: Web | Twitter | Instagram | Facebook


  1. Victor Kay
    June 12, 2020 / 1:06 am

    In the hurly burly of daily life we scurry around trying to meet the demands of family, friends and acquaintances, without considering the needs of the most important person – you. Thanks Jenny for this article.

    • June 12, 2020 / 10:31 am

      Indeed, we forget to take care of ourselves, forgetting that when we are not ”filled”, we cannot give out. This leads to burnout! Thanks, Victor, for joining the conversation on self-love!

  2. February 10, 2020 / 10:02 pm

    Self love is so difficult. Then I get angry at myself for not putting myself first and running myself ragged. Great post.

    • February 17, 2020 / 3:50 pm

      Thanks Linda! Wishing you the best in your self love goals!

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    October 5, 2018 / 9:50 am

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  10. September 21, 2018 / 8:47 pm

    It took me a long time to even like myself, but now I really do understand the importance of being patient, kind and encouraging to myself.

  11. September 21, 2018 / 6:51 pm

    I’ve been into a lot of stress lately and completely forgot about myself. As time heals’ I’m now bouncing back stronger! I’ve been into that phase of rebuilding my own Identity and loving myself more. for me it’s not being selfish because how can you share happiness and love if you don’t love yourself first.

  12. September 20, 2018 / 8:47 pm

    Self love is really important and it’s actually important to love yourself before loving someone else because then you won’t get lost. That’s something a psychologist told me once. I have BPD so relationship are very hard for me. I’m glad you are sharing all your thoughts about it.

    • September 20, 2018 / 9:03 pm

      I hope you are coping well with the BPD. You’ll be fine! And thanks for joining the conversation!

  13. September 20, 2018 / 2:17 pm

    Self-love is important. If you don’t love yourself, who would do it? Of course, you don’t have to be selfish, but that is another discussion.

  14. September 20, 2018 / 2:53 am

    It is an interesting concept. I agree self-care is critical to be able to accomplish the daily tasks needed to be who we want to be. I never feel more alive than when I am actively showing love for others. I can’t do that though if I don’t first take care of myself.

  15. September 20, 2018 / 1:12 am

    It is so important to think of yourself and put yourself first too! I used to always put myself last behind the needs and wants of others for fear of disappointing them. The older I get, the more I realize that I deserve to be happy too. Self love isn’t selfish at all.

  16. September 19, 2018 / 11:42 pm

    We as women are quick to nourish others but do not take the time to nourish ourselves. Self care is essential to our well being.

  17. Geraline Batarra
    September 19, 2018 / 2:54 pm

    Self love is really important. For me, giving love to yourself is not a selfish thing you are just giving yourself an importance and care that nobody can.

  18. September 19, 2018 / 1:02 pm

    Self Love is so important for good mental health! We need to be selfish for ourselves!

  19. Preet
    September 19, 2018 / 10:57 am

    Self Importance is really important. Thinking of others first is a great act but sometimes it is really painful. it is not bad to think of yourself first sometimes.

  20. September 19, 2018 / 10:25 am

    Avoid negative vibes is one of the thing we shall take it seriously. It sure can kill our shines and dull our edges. Rather I would spend more time with positive people and get positve vibes from them.

  21. September 19, 2018 / 9:57 am

    Self love is really important. One needs to love themselves before loving someone else. The post is very well written, very informative. Being a little selfish is really necessary in current world.

    • September 19, 2018 / 10:11 am

      Thanks and yes you are right. Being a little selfish in the current world we live in is very necessary.

  22. September 19, 2018 / 4:54 am

    Love how you described all the things here in detail. Keep it up ❤

  23. September 18, 2018 / 6:31 pm

    Yes it does contribute positively to good physical and mental health

  24. September 18, 2018 / 2:20 pm

    Wait, are there some people out there who don’t think self love is important?! Self love shapes who you are as a person – if you have none, you will be a miserable person and depressed as well.

    • September 18, 2018 / 1:47 pm

      Well some persons tend to think it’s pure narcissism lol but I do believe in self love and I see why it is important every single day!

  25. noshadejustlife
    September 13, 2018 / 3:43 pm

    Before you can love any one or anything, you need to start with yourself.

  26. Latrelle
    September 13, 2018 / 11:27 am

    In order to protect our peace we have to be a little “selfish” sometimes. Great post!

  27. Shannon
    September 13, 2018 / 11:23 am

    In todays society, it is very easy to lose one’s authentic self and who you are at your core. Self love and self care are super important.

  28. September 11, 2018 / 10:06 pm

    I think self love is important, and not at all selfish. I love your suggestions for how to implement self love into your life, too.


    • September 11, 2018 / 10:18 pm

      Thanks Nicola for joining the conversation! Enjoy your werk

  29. Aysia
    September 6, 2018 / 9:43 pm

    This was such a great post! A good look on self- love and how to develop it. I too focus on self- love but for moms on my website! Such an important topic. Good job!

  30. September 1, 2018 / 10:36 pm

    I get that a lot. I mean what inspired my blog name. A lot of thought went into deciding on that blog name! I have been through a lot but I am here, standing still, learning, living and learning. Winning some, losing some but never defeated lol. A look at my About Page will give you a clearer picture of where KingingQueen came from!

  31. ihaveabadsenseofhumor
    September 1, 2018 / 3:04 pm

    A well-written post on something I think is very important! Personally I tend to think way more about others and put myself last and I’m definitely not perfect when it comes to ignoring bad vibes and negative self talk either. I’d like to practice a little more self-love in my everyday life and I think you offered some good advice. Thanks for sharing Jennifer 😀

    • September 1, 2018 / 3:07 pm

      It is truly important. I’m like you too! Always put people first but most times it hurts! We all need to practice more self love! Thanks for joining the conversation. Have a beautiful weekend!

      • ihaveabadsenseofhumor
        September 2, 2018 / 2:02 pm

        Exactly! I hope your weekend is well too

  32. edithminet
    August 31, 2018 / 1:42 pm

    Love this post! It’s a lot to read but so interesting and important. Thanks for taking that time!

    • August 31, 2018 / 1:44 pm

      Thanks Edith. Glad you could find the time to read it!

  33. thecozycompass
    August 25, 2018 / 7:18 pm

    I wrote a post about this as well and I agree that self love is important. I took the quote from a different angle, but we do need to practice a little self love. I give myself love by using positive affirmations, such as I am worthy of success. Thanks for sharing!

    • August 26, 2018 / 2:38 am

      I will definitely go check out your post on self love. Thanks for joining the conversation!

  34. Stephine
    August 24, 2018 / 4:30 pm

    Self love is really important. Like i always say, be delibrately selfish while you have a big heart. Thank you for this piece.

    • August 27, 2018 / 11:20 am

      I like this one! Be deliberately selfish while you have a big heart! Thanks for your contribution Stephine. Have a lovely week!

  35. Rita
    August 24, 2018 / 3:07 pm

    Self Love is not delusional at all. At times the people we go all out for won’t go even half a mile for us……….. If you like kill yourself for world people, they will still be angry that your blood stained them. Yes, we should help people but not to our own detriment. Nice One Sis!

    • August 24, 2018 / 2:30 pm

      Thank you Rita for joining the conversation and for being a part of KQ Tribe and I do agree with you. Self love is not delusional! Have a beautiful weekend.

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